Hello again :)
Well, just as I said last week, Mikki and I did go and get our hair cut. We do look great with long hair, and it is more like a security blanket for both of us than anything, AND our dad really loves it when we grow it out. However, because we average roughly two years between haircuts, it gets so long that it gives us migraines-something that I really don't need, because all of the muslce pains give me enough headaches in a year to last a lifetime-and eventually, there's nothing that you can do with it. So we go and get it cut off, and then give it to Locks of Love for cancer and allopecia patients. The very first time that I did it, my hair had been growing for six years without anything more than a trim bianually. So I get this card in the mail, and it's signed by these threee girls-my single donation provided three little girls that have allopecia with a wig each. It was overwhelming-to know that I did this for these girls, that they appreciated me so much for giving to them what others usually consider trash, was so immense to me that I made it a point to make sure that any time I got a cut, it would go to this organization. I haven't recieved another thank you note since then, however, that wasn't what I did it for. Yes the first one made me feel the need to continue to do this, but just the joy that I get know that I'm helping someone is good enough for me. I really am that person that would do anything for anyone, and it has shown me how kind I can be but also stupid. For instance, the man that almost killed my husband in that car accident lived on the same property with us, in a trailer up on the hill behind us with his wife and child. Two days before Justin got out of the hospital (the first time), he left his wife because she had just found out she was pregnant and she told him. I spent every minute that I wasn't at the hospital or at my mom's with my kids at my house, making meals for her and buying diapers for her and making sure that she was alright. I later found out that she lied to me-her husband left because he was going to be charged with various charges for the accident and that he didn't want to go to jail. And, she knew where he was, and it wasn't far away at all. But she wanted me to feel bad for her so that I would believe her, and I fell for it. I usually always do. But I still want to believe that there is good in this world, that people can be decent and kind, and repay favors. I don't want to be viewed as a saint or something, I just want people to treat me the way that I treat them. So I treat them really good, and hope that it's reciprocated.
I have had this problem forever, though. When I was in high school, I actually got suckered into letting these girls copy my tests or "helped" them with their homework. I began to get scared that Mr. Weber was going to notice, but I didn't want to snitch. So I talked to them at lunch one day, and explained my position-"yes, I understand the material, and I am aware that you don't. I would be happy to help you learn it, but I just can't let all of you piggy back off me any more because I am scared that I am going to get caught." So one of them reached into her purse and gave me $100. Can you believe that?! I thought about it for a long time, and finally I knew what I was going to do. I literally answered every question wrong, with something ridiculous and irrelevant to the material being covered, on the quiz. When they all got their papers back, they were more than upset. But that's when they understood. Not before that, when I explained it to them, but when I had to go to extremes to amke my point. I gave Amber her money back, even though she protested, and told them that from now on if they wanted my help we'd do it the right way. That is a lot like plagiarism in my mind, even though I knew what was going on, it did aggrivate me after a while because I worked full time, took care of my sister, and still had the ability to do my school work and make a decent grade (at least for a little while). There was another time when I submitted a poem to my school's bimonthly journal that showcased writers in the school. I don't like to be in the spotlight a lot, and the last time I put my name on something I had tons of fans and critics that I got very uncomfortable. So I decided to submit this one as "Anonymous." As soon as the paper came out, there were so many fans of my poem immediately-only no one knew who wrote it. Before the end of the day had come, one of my friends actually looked me in the face and said that he wrote it. There were so many people that claimed ownership of it, which kind of made me giggle because there was just no way that they did. But when he said that, I felt like someone stepped on my chest. That hurt really bad to know that someone that knew my writing style and had known me for years would actually look me in the face and claim my poem. The following journal that came out actually named me as the rightful owner, and I don't honestly think that we've talked since then.
It made me feel bad, sick to my stomach almost, that no one had any respect for anyone else. Maybe it seemed humerous at first that so many people tried to act like that was their poem, but the more that I thought about it I realized that my shyness was going to allow people to walk all over me in every way in life, and that I needed to pick my battles but it starts here. Maybe someone coming to Burger King and getting a free drink off of me was one thing, but copying me homework and claiming my work as theirs was really big.
I to this day will still do anything for anyone. All I ask is that they respect themselves enough to respect me. Give credit where it is due-taking something that doesn't belong to you is stealing, and if some one has ever stolen anything from you than you understand what I am saying.
Well, it's been a really long week. I got all of my work done for A & P, but I didn't turn my project in until just after it was due. Then I went and looked at it yesterday, and found out that even though I know how to use the dropbox, it didn't take it. So I had to resubmit it. I was so overwhelmed last week, but I got everything done and in just under the wire. I'm going to get points taken off for being late now, for sure. I think that I am going to have to submit everything from now on not only to the dropbox, but in an email as well. SO irritating.
Next post, I'll put some before-and-after pics up of our new hair cuts. Hopefully I'll also have something more interesting to talk about then, also! lol Have a good one, guys :)
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Why I chose online schooling
I decided to go to Kaplan University Online one day when I felt like I was on the edge of nowhere. I was 26 years old, 6 months pregnant with a boy that would be five in two weeks and a 15-month-old daughter (with many medical problems)-and my husband was in a coma at University of Cincinnati Hospital. I was standing in the waiting room of the SICU when I fainted. All I remember thinking about was “Why did this happen to us? What am I going to do now? Who is going to hire me like this-pregnant with fibromyalgia? How am I going to take care of my family?” I did actually wait to have the panic attacks and everything until after Mika was born. But while I was being poured over by hospital staff on the floor of the waiting room, I realized that something had to change. I am a strong person. I am a very hard worker, I am a care taker, and I am passionate and determined. I have to do this. I didn’t exactly decide on Kaplan right away or anything, not even really an online school either. I knew that I needed to get my butt in school though. My work history is literally this: 3 months each at Wal-mart (eww) and VIP Video (yes, a porn shop); 6 months at a concession stand for a softball field; 8 months at a gas station; 3 years at a company that did home repairs and building with my dad, and 6 years at Burger King. I worked my tail off there, while going to school and living in a tent. Who would hire me? The reason I have been staying at home with the kids started when I had my son, Tristen. I wanted to be there for him. However, when the other kids started coming, I felt the need to help out with money, thus the Wal-mart and VIP Video experiences. I learned quickly that with my lack of education past the 12th grade and the pain that I was in not only severely limited my ability to do hard physical labor, but also the pay I received was nothing compared to what my husband was getting. After paying for the new costs of gas for my car to get back and forth every day, extra money for lunches, daycare, and health insurance, there was actually less money than before. It’s so wrong, but I knew I could change that by going to school and getting a degree. One day, after I had moved in with my in-laws (because we did lose our house) and just felt beat-down and defeated, I got a call from a Kaplan recruiter named Sandra called and sweet talked me into starting school-in one week. Between the kids, the fibromyalgia, and general stress I’ve been facing in my life, this was the liberator that I’d been looking for. I was finally excited about something for myself for the first time in forever (I think it was when I won tickets to the 2000 Ozzfest in Cincinnati-the last time it ever came to Cincinnati, and it was awesome!). Now, I don’t have to worry about being in too much pain to get up and get ready and go to school, I don’t have to worry about where I am going to take my kids for daycare so that I can go, and I don’t have to worry about whether I’ll have the gas or the car to go to school or to the library. I can just sign online and get to work! That’s not to say I think that this is easy, because it’s not. It does have a ton of disadvantages for every advantage-like, I still need time to study and read, which I cannot do if I am sitting in the living room listening to Dannen cry because SpongeBob SquarePants isn’t on yet, or yell at Mika for climbing onto the top of the back of the couch or up the bookcase or something. The fighting, the yelling, the hair pulling, the just ridiculous amount of superfluous things that go on during the day because my kids are mad at me-because Justin just went back to work the day before I started this term (with Honors-more work) and I am doing homework all of the time-it’s insane. I rarely spend any time with Justin or my sister Mikki anymore, which is a kill because they are like my homies or something-they are really like the only friends I have.
Today, I am stressing about my Honors Anatomy and Physiology class, because I don’t understand what he means by “writing a proposal” for our research topic. I haven’t even started researching yet, and I have to have this done by Tuesday night. I’m really freaking out. That class has me so lost, and I’m sure that it will be the one that brings down my 4.0 GPA. I am determined, though-I never want to feel the way I did last year, on the floor of the hospital waiting room-all alone, helpless, and lost. That’s all over with, and the new me is strong, independent, and willing to do what she’s got to do to succeed. So I am actually going to stop for a few hours and take Mikki and Dannen out, and we’re going to get our hair cut and go grocery shopping, and maybe even go to Skyline Chili or Ralley’s for dinner. I don’t know yet, but I do know that I just need a break. I feel like I am going to freak out over this A & P assignment, and it’ll never get done.
If anyone has some suggestions for me, as to how to schedule things so that I can get my work done and still have time to take a shower or brush my teeth or even eat, I’d really love to hear them!
~Katie~
Today, I am stressing about my Honors Anatomy and Physiology class, because I don’t understand what he means by “writing a proposal” for our research topic. I haven’t even started researching yet, and I have to have this done by Tuesday night. I’m really freaking out. That class has me so lost, and I’m sure that it will be the one that brings down my 4.0 GPA. I am determined, though-I never want to feel the way I did last year, on the floor of the hospital waiting room-all alone, helpless, and lost. That’s all over with, and the new me is strong, independent, and willing to do what she’s got to do to succeed. So I am actually going to stop for a few hours and take Mikki and Dannen out, and we’re going to get our hair cut and go grocery shopping, and maybe even go to Skyline Chili or Ralley’s for dinner. I don’t know yet, but I do know that I just need a break. I feel like I am going to freak out over this A & P assignment, and it’ll never get done.
If anyone has some suggestions for me, as to how to schedule things so that I can get my work done and still have time to take a shower or brush my teeth or even eat, I’d really love to hear them!
~Katie~
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Hello :)
Hello,
My name is Katie, and I have chosen to use this assigned blog to write about my journey of trying to cope with fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed 5 years ago, a week before “Black Friday” (I remember that because I was working at Wal-mart at the time and because immediately afterward, there was this huge whirl-wind of drama that began). I have been on medications, gone through a few different rounds of physical therapy, gained weight, lost weight, gained it back, and slipped in and out of depression. What’s worse is that I am sure that the universe is constantly picking on me, testing me-just trying to see how much more I can really handle before I break down or fall apart. Sometimes it is torture and sometimes it reminds me how strong I really am, but it is always there. The pain, the stiffness, the addiction to pain medications, the moodiness, the sick feelings, the tiredness, the irritation, and the fear of what tomorrow will bring-they are always there. No one knows where this disease/disorder comes from, and there’s no cure. I have spent a ton of money at chiropractic offices and physical therapy rehabs to find this out the hard way; so many doctors and specialists and natural healing authors claim that they have the answer, but they’ve either decided not to share it with me, or they use it as a get-rich-quick scam, because none of it works. And trying to explain it to people, even my own family, is a joke. They always seem to forget or not care, or make jokes about it that are both tasteless and hurtful. They either think that I am “doing this” to get attention, or that the disorder itself is “all in my head” and that I need to “knock it off.” These are the same people that refused to get me medical treatment for a broken hand and for Bell’s palsy a year and a half prior to that. I am one of eight natural brothers and sisters, and there are four more that don’t even associate with us anymore. My husband is my rock, and sometimes my worst enemy. I have three kids that sometimes I don’t know how to take care of, and I had pushed everyone away from me after my only real friend killed herself 2 weeks after I was diagnosed with this wretched disorder. Yes, I am aware that I have a TON of baggage, but I do what I can just to cope.
Now that I have done my best to explain some of the horrible stuff, I intend to use this blog to show you how I am trying to defeat the depression and the fibromyalgia in my day-to-day life. I will explain some of the really bad experiences that I have been facing recently, and what I have been doing all on my own in an attempt to try to overcome the rough times and keep looking forward to the better times in the future. I am taking advantage of this so that I can not only listen to your comments and be inspired to continue, but also to inspire others as well-hopeful that others will see life as I do-that there is nothing to hard that you cannot overcome it. Thank you for reading mine :)
~Katie~
My name is Katie, and I have chosen to use this assigned blog to write about my journey of trying to cope with fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed 5 years ago, a week before “Black Friday” (I remember that because I was working at Wal-mart at the time and because immediately afterward, there was this huge whirl-wind of drama that began). I have been on medications, gone through a few different rounds of physical therapy, gained weight, lost weight, gained it back, and slipped in and out of depression. What’s worse is that I am sure that the universe is constantly picking on me, testing me-just trying to see how much more I can really handle before I break down or fall apart. Sometimes it is torture and sometimes it reminds me how strong I really am, but it is always there. The pain, the stiffness, the addiction to pain medications, the moodiness, the sick feelings, the tiredness, the irritation, and the fear of what tomorrow will bring-they are always there. No one knows where this disease/disorder comes from, and there’s no cure. I have spent a ton of money at chiropractic offices and physical therapy rehabs to find this out the hard way; so many doctors and specialists and natural healing authors claim that they have the answer, but they’ve either decided not to share it with me, or they use it as a get-rich-quick scam, because none of it works. And trying to explain it to people, even my own family, is a joke. They always seem to forget or not care, or make jokes about it that are both tasteless and hurtful. They either think that I am “doing this” to get attention, or that the disorder itself is “all in my head” and that I need to “knock it off.” These are the same people that refused to get me medical treatment for a broken hand and for Bell’s palsy a year and a half prior to that. I am one of eight natural brothers and sisters, and there are four more that don’t even associate with us anymore. My husband is my rock, and sometimes my worst enemy. I have three kids that sometimes I don’t know how to take care of, and I had pushed everyone away from me after my only real friend killed herself 2 weeks after I was diagnosed with this wretched disorder. Yes, I am aware that I have a TON of baggage, but I do what I can just to cope.
Now that I have done my best to explain some of the horrible stuff, I intend to use this blog to show you how I am trying to defeat the depression and the fibromyalgia in my day-to-day life. I will explain some of the really bad experiences that I have been facing recently, and what I have been doing all on my own in an attempt to try to overcome the rough times and keep looking forward to the better times in the future. I am taking advantage of this so that I can not only listen to your comments and be inspired to continue, but also to inspire others as well-hopeful that others will see life as I do-that there is nothing to hard that you cannot overcome it. Thank you for reading mine :)
~Katie~
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